I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
