I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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