do herpes really smell.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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