Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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