hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
