dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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