Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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