Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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