I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
