No, you can still breathe under the balls.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
