"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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