ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
another moral hangover. fuck.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
