It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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