why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize