I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
