Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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