I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
