I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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