your thong is hanging out like whoa
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
