I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
