Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
