Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
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I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂