Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
