I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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