your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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