Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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