Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
