you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
