Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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