I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
