Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
