Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
