I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Say something about gay babies.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
