I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
