all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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