Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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