For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
this will be a night to untag.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
