so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
