She's JV to your varsity
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
