This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
