AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
