I want to make a zoo with you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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