What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
