I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
