Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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