My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
