He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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