I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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