no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
