Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
