Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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