I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
