You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Panties = found
Randomize
