I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
