i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
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Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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