Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's get the cat blown out
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
