i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
pop tarts are not kleenex
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
