Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
