I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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