my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's just like the Real World with babies
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
