When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
