omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
