My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Randomize
