Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
