? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
