wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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