I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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