Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize