you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
