Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
