i need an iv and a liver transplant
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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