he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
