I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
