Whoa Z and x make the same sound
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
