dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
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So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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