my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
